She’s out there right now, at the Opryland Hotel, just across the street from me. I can almost see her from my front door. You know the one I mean: Caribou Barbie. Sarah Palin. They’ve been having a tea party over there all day long. And at $549 for a ticket, I’m fairly sure those mad hatters over there are several rungs above me on the financial ladder. The price tag says something fundamentally wrong about a supposed grass-roots movement. It’s hard to come up with that kinda cheddar when you’re unemployed. I guess the less affluent will have to let the rich folks make all the decisions. In other words, politics as usual. Let me tell you how I feel about Palin for those who never saw my bumper sticker that said: SARAH PALIN JUST MADE ME THROW UP A LITTLE. That’s not just a pithy little joke, it’s the actual truth. (And it got me some irate fist shaking from a woman at a craft fair.) Just when I thought politicians could come no dumber than George W. Bush, along comes Sarah Palin. If you wanna argue with me about Bush’s intellect, consider that when Hollywood set out to make a satire about “W”, they didn’t have to do much but quote him: They misunderestimated me.”
We've got a lot of relations with countries in our neighborhood.”
And so, General, I want to thank you for your service. And I appreciate the fact that you really snatched defeat out of the jaws of those who are trying to defeat us in Iraq."
I won’t mention his frequent subject-verb disagreement, or his inability to pronounce the word “nuclear.” In one of the debates, I noticed that Palin mangled it the same way. Maybe they thought if all the Republicans mispronounced it, they could actually convince people the word was supposed to be “nucular.” Bad enough, from my perspective, that here was a Pro-Life woman who shot wolves from helicopters, a former beauty queen whose political resume pretty much began and ended with being the governor of Alaska. (Alaska? Seriously? Alaska comes in as the 48th least populated state of the country. True, she was mayor of Wasilla, a thriving metropolis of 10,256, but my own stagnant little home town boasts 128,000.) As soon as Palin began talking, stupid things starting falling from her lips: When asked if she knew what the duties of a vice president entailed: They're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.”
Uh, not really. Thank goodness she didn’t get the job; I can only imagine her disillusionment upon showing up for work the first day and finding she was only leader of the senate in the most nominal way. She was relentlessly cheerful, choosing not to watch the news because it made her sad. For me, the confirmed and relentless cynic and general misanthrope, her cheerfulness only made me want to smack her; only game show hosts should be that relentlessly upbeat, and then only with chemical assistance. Her little attack on Obama wasn’t just stupid, it stooped to the lowest level of fear-mongering propaganda: Our opponent though, is someone who sees America it seems as being so imperfect that he's palling around with terrorists who would target their own country.”
Maybe she didn’t know that the US has been playing musical dictators for years, supporting then opposing some of the same people they’d trained and given weapons to. She should have watched the news. Her interview with Katie Couric was one of the most painful things I’ve ever seen. It was a traffic accident; you didn’t wanna look, you just couldn’t stop. : And when it comes to establishing your world view, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this -- to stay informed and to understand the world?
: I've read most of them again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media --
: But what [sic] ones specifically? I'm curious.
: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me over all these years.
: Can you name any of them?
: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news.
I actually hurt for her. It was like watching a fish flopping around on the bottom of the boat. Sometimes her stupidity also showed a frightening ignorance: "One of my absolute best friends for the last 30 years happens to be gay and I love her dearly, and she is not my "gay" friend, she is one of my best friends, who happens to have made a choice that isn't a choice that I have made, but ... I'm not gonna judge people.”
Homosexuality is not a choice. Now, choosing to have a child with Down’s Syndrome, that’s a choice. (Not a choice I would have made, but hey, I support her right to do so.) Coming out against the rights of rape and incest victims to abortions or even the morning-after pill: that’s a choice Palin wants to make, to take away the choices of even the most victimized of women. But the straw that breaks my camel’s back was not really Palin’s lack of experience, or her lack of understanding of the job she was running for, or her stance on a woman’s right to control her own body…. Listening to her views, I briefly wondered if she was really a man in drag. No, it was the timing of the Republican Party’s decision to finally put a woman on the presidential ticket, and what their choice of Palin said about their motives. If Hillary Clinton hadn’t been a serious contender for president, a woman wouldn’t have had a snowball’s chance of being tapped as a Republican VP candidate. They saw a potential for division in the Democratic Party, a hope that Clinton supporters would be such sore losers they would withhold their support from Obama. I can easily imagine the Republicans behind closed doors, discussing how in the hell they could compete with a black candidate. Smear tactics could so easily backfire with the appearance—if not actuality—of racism. Worse, women really liked how Obama looked with his shirt off, as opposed to McCain, not just pale and paunchy, but alarmingly close to senile dementia. And then, bingo, someone suggested they could offer women a female candidate. Not as president, of course; more like a little lady who could bring the baked beans to the tailgate party. No, the real final straw was the sheer arrogance and gall of the Republicans to even suggest that Palin was a worthy answer to Hillary. Whether you love Clinton or loathe her, you can’t say she wasn’t qualified. She has experience, a first-hand knowledge of how the government works, and a razor-sharp brain. She watches the news, you betcha. One of the most astute bumper stickers I’ve ever read said: "Sarah Palin is the hood ornament on the truck American is about to be thrown under."
I was insulted, as a woman, a feminist and a participant in the political process. Sarah Palin? Seriously? She was the best they could do? Google “Partial List of Republican women more qualified than Sarah Palin.” It’s a long list, a veritable smorgasbord of smart, informed and experienced women. I can only come up with one reason that the Republican powers chose Palin as their ace in the hole. That women would be stupid enough to vote for her just because she happens to have two X chromosomes. Men would vote for her because she’s a MILF with a gun. That’s an insult to voters of either sex. Thank God their evil plan didn’t succeed. The good news is that maybe, just maybe, Tina Fey has a career in politics.
